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Swinging
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Swinging, sometimes referred to as the swinging
lifestyle, is "non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social
activity, that can be experienced as a couple." The phenomenon (or at least its
wider discussion and practice) of swinging may be seen as part of the sexual revolution
of recent decades, which occurred after the upsurge in sexual activity made possible
by the prevalence of safer sex practices during the same period. Swinging has been
called wife swapping in the past, but this term has been criticized as andocentric
and inaccurately describing the full range of sexual activities in which swingers
may take part.
Activities
Swinging activities may include (but are
not limited to):
*
Exhibitionism: having sex with a partner while being watched.
*
Voyeurism: watching others have
sex (perhaps with the above mentioned partner).
* Soft Swinging
or Soft Swap: kissing,
stroking, or having oral sex with a third or fourth person. Soft swap may be in
the form of a threesome, group sex, or the literal swapping of partners.
*
Full Swap: having penetrative sex
with someone other than one's partner. Although this is the commonly understood
definition of swinging, it is not necessarily the most common type.
* Group Sex: An all-inclusive term
for activities involving multiple partners in the same vicinity.
Typically, swinging activities occur when
a married or otherwise committed couple engages in sexual activity with another
couple, multiple couples, or a single individual. These acts can occur in the same
room (often called same room swinging) though different or separate room swinging
does occur. On these occasions, swingers will often refer to sex as play and sex
partners as playmates.
Research
Some subjective scientific research into
swinging has been conducted in the United States since the late 1960s. One study,
based on an Internet questionnaire addressed to visitors of lifestyle-related sites,
found swingers are happier in their relationships as compared to the norm.
* 60% of swingers said that swinging improved their relationship; 1.7% said swinging
made their relationship less happy. Approximately 50% of those who rated their relationship
"very happy" before becoming swingers maintained their relationship had become even
happier.
* 90% of those with less happy relationships said swinging improved them.
* Almost 70% of swingers claimed to have no problem with controlling jealousy;
approximately 25% admitted "I have difficulty controlling jealousy when swinging"
as "somewhat true", while 6% said this was "yes, very much" true.
* Swingers rate themselves happier ("very happy": 59% of swingers compared to
32% of non-swingers) and their lives more "exciting" (76% of swingers compared to
54% of non-swingers) than non-swingers, by significantly large margins.
There was no significant difference between
the responses of men and women, although more males (70%) than females completed
the survey.
This study, while enlightening, is of limited
accuracy of the swinging population as a whole, due to its self-selected sampling
technique. Internet-based sampling procedures create a substantial potential for
bias. For instance, swinging couples who had stronger relationships may have been
more motivated to complete the questionnaire. Alternatively, one may infer that
because swinging may cause stress on a marriage, only those with higher than average
levels of commitment to their partners are able to remain married while swinging.
Couples who have jealousy or strife issues caused by swinging will not usually stay
in the swinging lifestyle, and therefore would have been less likely to respond
to the survey.
ABC News reporter John Stossel produced an
investigative report into the lifestyle. Stossel reported that over 4 million people
are swingers, according to estimates by the Kinsey Institute and other researchers.
He also cited Terry Gould's research, in which Gould concluded that "couples swing
in order to not cheat on their partners." When Stossel asked swinging couples whether
they worry that their spouse will "find they like someone else better", one male
interviewee replied, "People in the swinging community swing for a reason. They
don't swing to go out and find a new wife;" while a woman interviewee asserted,
"It makes women more confident -- that they are the ones in charge." Stossel interviewed
twelve marriage counselors about the lifestyle. According to Stossel, "not one of
them said don't do it", though some also said "getting sexual thrills outside of
marriage can threaten a marriage". Nevertheless, the swingers whom Stossel interviewed
claimed that "their marriages are stronger because they don't have affairs and they
don't lie to each other."
History
While contemporary swingers look to earlier
practices, such as ancient Roman acceptance of orgies and alternative sexual practices,
the actual practice of swinging in the 20th century began differently.
According to Terry Gould's The Lifestyle:
A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers , swinging began among United States Air
Force pilots and their wives during World War II. In this small community, the mortality
rate among pilots was significantly high. Gould reports that a close bond between
pilots arose, with the implication that the husbands would protect and care for
all the wives as their own, both emotionally and sexually, if the husbands were
away or lost (thus bearing some similarity to levirate marriage).
This historical narrative is debatable, however,
since it would have been highly unusual for military wives to accompany their husbands
on foreign tours of duty. Other sources point to U.S. Air Force pilots stationed
in the California desert as the original participants in modern swinging. Though
the exact beginnings are not agreed upon, it is widely assumed that swinging began
amongst American military communities in the 1950s.
By the time the Korean War ended, the practice
of swinging had spread from the military bases to the nearby suburbs. The media
promptly dubbed the phenomenon wife-swapping.
The first swingers' organization, the Sexual
Freedom League, began in the 1960s in Berkeley, California, in the sexually liberal
San Francisco Bay Area. Ultimately, an umbrella organization called the North American
Swing Club Association (NASCA) (now NASCA International) was formed to encourage
the dissemination of accurate information about swinging lifestyles across North
America.
In the United Kingdom there was a proliferation
of neighborhood swingers groups in the early 1970s (at that time these were generally
known as "wife swapping" groups). In various press articles written in later years
it appears that the peak of this activity was 1973-75.
Organizations
Certain swinging activities are highly organized.
Most major cities in North America and western Europe have at least one swingers'
club in a permanent location (although they often keep a low profile to avoid negative
attention); over 3,000 swinging clubs exist worldwide. Swingers also meet through
lifestyle magazines, personal ads, swinging house parties, swinger conventions,
and Internet sites.
Although the term "club" may refer to a group
that organizes lifestyle-related events in a particular area, it can also refer
to a physical location or building. In this latter context, clubs are typically
divided into on-premises clubs, where sexual activity may occur at the club itself,
and off-premises clubs, where sexual activity is not allowed at the club, but may
be arranged at a nearby location.
In the US, many off-premises swinging clubs
follow a bar or nightclub format, sometimes renting an entire existing bar (frequently
termed a venue takeover) for scheduled events. Takeovers are normally done to avoid
interaction with non-lifestyle segments of the population, and to avoid unwanted
negative attention. Consequently, on weekends in suburbia, bars in large industrial
parks that attract a mainstream clientele during weekdays and would otherwise sit
empty or closed on weekends (when business offices are closed) are likely locations
for a takeover.
On-premises clubs usually have a similar
format as off-premises clubs. A notable exception is that most on-premises clubs
do not serve alcohol, asking participants instead to bring their own, thus avoiding
issues from restrictive laws regarding sexual activity and the sale of alcoholic
beverages. Concordantly, the vast majority of swinging clubs in the US do not advertise
as such due to the strict moral climate there.
In Europe, off-premises clubs are rare, and
the majority of swinging venues allow sexual contact and serve alcohol. Three standard
formats exist: the bar/nightclub (usually smaller, in city centers and focused around
a dance floor), the spa (which has pools, Jacuzzis, saunas and steam rooms and where
people strip on entry), and the country club (which is out-of-town, usually serves
a free buffet, and may include elements of the first two formats while also offering
large play spaces).
A large amount of swinging activity is organized
via the Internet on various sites with personals, listings, and local information.
For many couples, the swinging lifestyle and the clubs can be as much a social venue
as a sexual one. Like many sexual subcultures, a strong community atmosphere exists,
fostered in part by the greater communication enabled by the Internet.
Subgroups
Bisexuality
and same-sex activity
Attitudes to same-sex activity and bisexuality
vary by culture and locale, and by gender.
As a rule, female bisexuality and bicuriosity
are common in both the "selective" (see below) and traditional swinging scenes and
tend to be the norm amongst participants; by contrast, male same-sex activity has
a wider variation in its handling, and may be welcomed, accepted, frowned upon,
or forbidden. Swing clubs and other facilities exist for gay and bisexual interests
for both genders, but differ – for example bathhouses and the like for gay males,
sometimes described as being "controversial" even in the gay community due to safer
sex concerns, whereas women's clubs are "comparatively rare" and tend to be organized
as private events, or niche clubs with high popularity for their events.
No studies have been conducted as to what
percentage of swinging men or women who define themselves as bisexual would be open
to romantic as well as sexual relations with both genders.
Dogging
Dogging is a British term for swinging based
in cars that takes place in a public but reasonably secluded area. There are several
known dogging spots across the UK where people go after dark, typically to engage
in voyeurism and exhibitionism but also to take part in group sex.
Hot
Wife
The term hot wife refers to a married woman
who has sex with men other than her spouse, with the husband's consent. In most
cases the husbands take a vicarious pleasure in watching their wives' and the other
male/s enjoyment, or enjoy watching, hearing, or knowing about their wives' adventures.
Husbands may also take part by engaging in threesomes, or arranging dates for their
wives.
One variant of the hot wife phenomenon is
when two men (one generally the compersive husband and the other perhaps a close
friend) take turns servicing the wife, each immediately taking over from the other
as soon as orgasm is reached. In effect one man is recovering while the other is
active, but the woman effectively has continuous intercourse. In this way, particularly
if the woman experiences multiple orgasms, this game can effectively provide her
with a very extended sexual act that she could not experience in any other way.
Cuckolding
A distinct threesome subculture is cuckolding.
Cuckolding is a subgenre where open relationship and threesomes meet. In a cuckold
experience one partner has sex with another person outside of their primary relationship
for a limited number of times and the person who engages in the experience generally
shares that experience with their partner after the encounter has ended.
Generally cuckolding differs from an open
relationship as it does not involve an ongoing emotional relationship that is commonly
found in open relationship nor is it an ongoing relationship that is commonly found
in an open relationship. Though the nonparticipating partner is not involved in
the sexual act they may be involved in preparation and selection of the third person.
Cuckolding is not always done for sexual humiliation as it may be done to allow
sexual exploration, the opportunity to live out a fantasy, fulfill a desire, or
sexual fulfillment that cannot usually be obtained through the normal boundaries
of a relationship. In essence cuckolding seeks to 'fill the gap' that is left by
other threesome or group sex activities.
Polyamory
Polyamory is the desire, practice, or acceptance
of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with full knowledge
and consent by everyone involved. Poly lifestyles vary, with some being open relationships
and others being polyfidelitous.
Many people involved in polyamorous relationships
do not want to be counted as swingers. Some are openly critical of swingers, contrasting
their own deeply committed relationships with the recreational sex that, in their
view, swingers practice. Others are not critical of swingers but simply do not regard
themselves as belonging to the same group.
Selective
swinging
Traditionally swinger clubs are accepting
of all ages and body types, and the average age of swingers at events tends to be
around 45. Younger swingers who wish to swing with their own age group find that
this isn't always possible in swinging clubs.
Fever Parties began running parties for affluent
under 40s in London in the late 1990s. Other party organizers, such as Lounge Parties
in London (who select on looks, but not age) and Belle Baise in the Midlands (who
select on looks and age) have sprung up in recent years. These organizations try
to elevate themselves from historic swinging clubs by hosting their events in up
market venues, serving Champagne or cocktails and asking their guests to dress in
smart evening attire. Entry to these parties is often competitive and photographs
are usually required to demonstrate attractiveness.
Due to the success of these events in the
UK, they have subsequently spread to Norway, South Africa, Sweden and the United
States. This, more than anything else, has given rise to the term The Lifestyle
as a way to encompass all swinging activities, due to the fact that younger couples
are somewhat averse to the term "swingers" because of its traditional connotations.
'Selective swinging' events include mostly
childless, unmarried young graduates whose average ages are as low as the late 20s,
whereas traditional swingers events tend to have average ages in the 40s. Selective
parties are often referred to as "exclusive" or "elitist." Contravening the usual
assumption that such organizations are not associated with groups propagating "family
values," the Fever parties were revealed in June 2003 to be organized by a senior
coordinator of a British Conservative Party pressure group, Conservatives for Change,
who was older than the maximum age allowed to attend his events.
Another factor contributing to this situation
is the continued upsurge in growth of Lifestyle-oriented Internet sites. These sites
provide much more accessible gateways into Lifestyle activities for people who are
curious about swinging. By offering greater flexibility when searching for potential
playmates, it becomes possible to look for playmates that specifically match certain
characteristics, including location, looks, wealth, and age. In the United States,
it is still uncommon to find parties where stringent age requirements are in effect,
and most groups remain non-discriminatory. However, the acceptance of 'elite' parties
continues to grow, with couples and single females becoming more and more willing
to pay an additional premium to spend time with only a select segment of the swinging
population.
The critique of selective swinging among
traditional swingers is that it is unethical to discriminate. The growing upsurge
interest in selective swinging has given rise to a growing rift between the two
groups. Couples who identify with traditional swinging may advertise themselves
as "not Ken and Barbie" as an implicit rejection of what they perceive to be a superficial
ideal of youthful physical attractiveness. The proponents of selective swinging
claim an entitlement to peer-group options in this as in other leisure pursuits.
Singles
The acceptance of singles at swinging events
varies by geographic area and by event. Some swinging clubs (including parties and
private events) have a policy of allowing only couples and females, but most do
allow single men on selected nights. Single females are often admitted at reduced
admission price.
Reasons for the restrictions against single
males vary. Most (but certainly not all) of the people who participate in swinger
events are male-female couples who are more interested in interacting with other
couples (or with single women) than with single men. Thus, swinger events strive
to achieve a balance between male and female participants or have a (usually slightly)
larger number of females than males.
A common complaint among swingers is that
single men change the tone and nature of an event. While outright hostility towards
single men is rarely prevalent, an abundance of single males is not often looked
upon favorably in any swinging context. When single males are permitted, their numbers
are usually limited by high entrance fees or stringent membership requirements.
In the UK, swinging nights designed to cater
to women who want multiple men are referred to as Greedy Girls' Nights, and are
essentially gang bangs. These parties are often held in swingers' clubs (on less
busy nights) or take place as private parties, and are attended by both couples
and singles, a proportion of which are sometimes prostitutes.
Controversy and debate
Objections
to the swinger lifestyle
Arguments made in opposition to the practice
of swinging and partner swapping fall into two broad categories: first, objections
based on the practical considerations of engaging in a swinging lifestyle, and second,
moral or philosophical objections against the principles of swinging itself.
Practical
objections
The most common objections based upon practical
considerations include arguments such as the health dangers of having multiple partners,
risk of pregnancy, and the risk emotional attachments to sexual activity (which
may cause friction in a relationship).
Health
Dangers
A subset of swingers play without protection,
a practice called barebacking. However, the majority promote their activities as
safe sex and will not engage with others who do not also practice safe sex. An informal
survey of swingers (most of whom were from the UK) showed that 73% practice safe
sex. Proponents for swinging will point to the fact that safe sex is an accepted
practice within the community and that the risk of sexually transmitted disease
is the same for the general population. Opponents of swinging argue that even protected
sex is too risky, especially in the light of the upsurge in sexually transmitted
diseases such as AIDS, and the risk of pregnancy.
Some who object to swinging assert that sexual
relations, by their very nature, have an emotional component to them. Since many
swingers are in a committed emotional relationship with one partner (see History,
above), engaging in sexual relations with a person outside the relationship could
emotionally damage the relationship of the committed couple. Intimacy might be diminished
by sex with others, and this diminished intimacy may lead to the end of the relationship.
Another argument states that one partner
may be more enthusiastic about swinging than the other, and the less willing partner
may feel pushed or coerced into taking part, thus leading to the break up of the
relationship or psychological problems.
Proponents for swinging will advocate that
it is not swinging that caused the demise of the relationship but underlying relationships
issues that were brought to the surface by swinging. Therefore proponents will argue
anyone who is considering swinging need to work through any relationship issues
and share an equal enthusiasm for the activity before undertaking a swinging experience
Moral
and philosophical objections
Objections pertaining to the basic principles
of swinging on a moral or philosophical basis may include the sacred nature of sexual
relations between two persons, or the view that sexual relations should only occur
within a committed relationship (sometimes stated as "only within a marriage").
Those invoking this reasoning may assert that in order to engage in a swinging relationship,
one must degrade sexual relations to the most basic element of pleasure, which would
be in violation of the sacred nature of sexual relationships. Some argue that if
sex becomes the main reason for swinging, sex may become mechanistic and less satisfying
than the intimacy experienced by monogamous couples.
Many couples enter into swinging while already
in secure relationships, providing an added motivation to avoid excessive sexual
health risks. While sexual affairs outside of relationships may be committed in
the "heat of the moment" without regard to future consequences, most swingers maintain
that sex among swingers is a much more thought-out and practical affair (no pun
intended).
Many swinging clubs in the US and UK do not
have alcohol licenses and have a "bring your own beverage" (BYOB) policy. Also,
it is not uncommon for experienced swingers to remain sober; these individuals may
consequently state that they take a far safer approach to their sexual health than
that of comparable non-monogamous singles (who would ostensibly have impaired judgment
from becoming inebriated).
Condoms are required at most swinging clubs
and parties, unless clearly stated otherwise. In addition, a minority of swingers
rely on regular STD testing to ensure their safety. A small portion of swingers
alternatively focus on massage and other activities that are unlikely to transmit
STDs; however, most participants in a swinging lifestyle acknowledge that they are
accepting the same risks that any sexually promiscuous member of society does.
Although there is a risk of pregnancy in
many cases, there are ways to minimize the risk to where the risk is almost zero.
Some solutions would including undergoing a tubal liagation (female sterilization),
vasectomy (male sterilization), or having a group with entirely menopausal women.
Other solutions include using condoms along with another form of non-surgical birth
control such as using 'The Pill'. Proper use of a condom along with an effective
birth control method will minimize the risk of pregnancy and transmission of a sexually
transmitted disease
Some believe that sexual attraction is part
of human nature, and as such, it should be respected and openly enjoyed by a committed
or married couple. Some swingers cite divorce data in the US, claiming that the
quality (or lack of quality) of sex and spousal infidelity are significant contributing
factors in divorce. One study showed that 37% of husbands and 29% of wives admit
to having had at least one extramarital affair (Reinisch, 1990), and divorce rates
for first marriages approached 60%.
As one study asserted:
According to King (1996) one of the things that normally occurs in a relationship
leading to changes in how we interact with our partners is sexual habituation. At
approximately three to seven years into a marriage, it begins to take increased
levels of stimulation to produce the same level of sexual excitation previously
obtained by a glance or a simple touch. A couple that is receptive to new and different
sexual experiences will begin to explore different avenues of shared sexual fulfillment
in order to continue to grow together. At this stressful point in marriages infidelity
increases and the divorce rate peaks. Couples who find a way to reconnect physically
and emotionally are more likely to make it through this period. Swinging may be
one creative solution to the problem of habituation – it provides sexual variety,
adventure, and the opportunity to live out one's fantasies as a couple without secrecy
and deceit.
In essence, some swinging couples maintain
that by enjoying the very nature of sexuality with one's partner, a great number
of marriages and relationships would be saved.
Many swingers report that their core relationships
are actually strengthened through swinging, and they usually claim that their sex
lives are more, not less, intimate and satisfying. Jealousy can occur, but proponents
of swinging assert that jealousy is mainly reported among couples whose relationships
were already unstable. The effect of swinging on unstable relationships has yet
to be conclusively determined.
Finally some swingers advocate that swinging
is about sex, physical aspect and relationship (marriage) is about love, emotional
aspect. In order to swing the couple needs to be able to differentiate between the
two and keep the emotions out of swinging. This typically means not spending a lot
of time of 'getting to know the third person' and having a level of attraction between
all members. Those who swing advocate that once emotional feelings for the third
begins to develop it is a signal that the relationship with the third needs to end.
Responses
to moral and philosophical objections
Swingers provide a variety of responses to
moral and philosophical objections. As with any group or large enough community,
the depth and type of spiritual philosophies among swingers varies greatly. A common
response given by swingers to moral and philosophical objections is that there is
a difference between having sex and making love. Contradictorily, this is one of
the main objections that religious groups have to swinging: namely, that this distinction
should not exist.
Swingers differentiate between fun and friendship,
and the love and companionship provided by their existing relationship. Thus, though
swingers may have many sexual relationships, only a single emotional relationship
exists. Although many close friendships are formed within the swinging community,
swingers often feel that nothing is more important to them than their relationship
with their own partner. The intimate friendships formed among swingers strengthen
the primary relationship, rather than damage it.
Swingers often claim that the sex they have
is more intimate (rather than less intimate) because they are with a partner who
encourages them to fulfill their fantasies; therefore, the partner is so confident
in the relationship that jealousy is not an issue. Swingers also claim that swinging
makes infidelity less likely, as they know they can have sexual contact with others
with their partner's consent.
Various responses exist to those who object
to swinging on the basis of their faith. Many swingers feel that their activities
in their own homes or private clubs, simply put, are not for others to judge. Others
believe that as long as they remain in love and consider their relationships to
be sacred, any playing they do does not contradict the sanctity of their relationships,
and is consistent with their spiritual values.
In addition to the above responses two additional
arguments are made. The first being that it is the couple that defines cheating.
As long as the couple has a definition, develops boundaries, and stays within their
boundaries no cheating has occurred. Secondly some will argue that the definition
of adultery is incongruent with the original definition. The original definition
of adultery stated that adultery occurred if a married woman had sex outside of
marriage. It excluded a married man who had sex with a single, not married, woman
or single women.
Other terms for Swinging and used in the
Swinger Lifestyle are:
wife swapping, swapping, swinging, full swap,
soft swap, lifestyle, lifestyle couples, bi, bi curious, bi friendly, bi furious,
players, alternative lifestyle, uninhibited, play, play date, play party, orgy,
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